A long time ago, when you were a wee thing, you learned something, some way to cope, something that, if you did it, would help you survive. It wasn’t the healthiest thing, it wasn’t gonna get you free, but it was gonna keep you alive. You learned it, at five or six, and it worked, it *did* help you survive. You carried it with you all your life, used it whenever you needed it. It got you out—out of your assbackwards town, away from an abuser, out of range of your mother’s un-love. Or whatever. It worked for you. You’re still here now partly because of this thing that you learned. The thing is, though, at some point you stopped needing it. At some point, you got far enough away, surrounded yourself with people who love you. You survived. And because you survived, you now had a shot at more than just staying alive. You had a shot now at getting free. But that thing that you learned when you were five was not then and is not now designed to help you be free. It is designed only to help you survive. And, in fact, it keeps you from being free. You need to figure out what this thing is and work your ass off to un-learn it. Because the things we learn to do to survive at all costs are not the things that will help us get FREE. Getting free is a whole different journey altogether.
For years mental health professionals taught people that they could be psychologically healthy without social support, that “unless you love yourself, no one else will love you.”…The truth is, you cannot love yourself unless you have been loved and are loved. The capacity to love cannot be built in isolation
Bruce D. Perry, M.D., Ph.D. — “The Boy Who Was Raised As A Dog” (via verthandi)
Filed under: things we already knew, but people kept telling us we were wrong about.
I hate being told “unless you love yourself, no one else will love you.” so, SO much.
Black Pete, the alleged jolly sidekick of the Dutch Saint Nicholas is a negative stereotype, an Amsterdam court ruled on Thursday, ordering the capital’s mayor to review a traditional children’s festival because of the caricature’s presence.
"The image of Black Pete with his thick red lips, being a stupid servant, gives rise to a negative stereotyping of Black people," the regional court said in a statement.
The court based its decision on an investigation which found that “many Black Amsterdammers felt discriminated against and that many in Amsterdam said they could imagine Black people would feel discriminated against by Black Pete”, it added.
Emotions reached fever pitch last year ahead of the 75th annual “arrival” of the Saint Nicholas and his controversial helper in Amsterdam at a traditional holiday celebrated by children around the Netherlands.
Saint Nicholas and dozens of Black Petes traditionally “arrive” with a gift-filled boat from Spain on the third Saturday of November.
Three weeks later, on December 5, the Dutch give each other gifts allegedly distributed by Saint Nicholas — a Turkish bishop wearing a long red gown and mitre — and Black Pete.
Dressed in a gaudy medieval costume with a blackened face, red lips and an afro wig, Pete is seen by many ordinary Dutch as a harmless prankster cheering up the children’s festival.
But others see a racist throwback to an era when Black people were enslaved by the seafaring Dutch in their far-flung colonies, particularly Suriname and Curacao.
Now “tribal trends” are totally “in.” You can walk into any store in the mall and see “Native” imagery everywhere. As a Native person, when I look at them, I can’t help but remember the not-so-distant past when my people weren’t allowed, by law, to wear these things. It’s such a constant reminder of the colonial power structures still in place. Back in the day, white people had the power to take away our culture, and now they have the power to wear it however they see fit. These are our images, our cultural symbols, yet we are completely powerless to have control over them.
my people were slaughtered so you could wear an imitation medicine pouch and dream catcher earrings. i hope that makes you feel terrible
Intersex babies are not having difficulty with sexual identity or self-image. The parents are, and parental anxiety about the appearance of a child’s genitals should be treated with counseling, not with surgery to the child.Elizabeth Weil (via reproductivejusticeatsfsu)
GAZA UNDER ATTACK NOW.
important world update:
Gaza + Palestine are under attack by Israel, death toll currently at 27 :(
This has been a long and destructive period between Israel + Palestine. If anyone has any reliable sources to learn more about what’s going on at this current moment, please let me know
- The Guardian: Israel pounds Gaza with air and naval strikes in move against Hamas
- Al Jazeera: Israel steps up deadly Gaza Strip offensive; at least 27 dead, 130 wounded
- New York Times: Israel and Hamas Trade Attacks as Tension Rises
- RTE News: Israel launches major offensive against Hamas
- BBC: Israel ‘ready for escalation’ of Gaza conflict
Out of the two of us she is the cute sister,
Which, to be fair, is not that hard when you’re two years old.
But I don’t want her to be told too often or at all
That she is beautiful.
(It’s not jealousy, I swear, but)
I don’t want her to start comparing herself to her dolls
When she is four, or to look in the mirror thinking
Maybe I’d look better if I was a little thinner.
Because we’ve all been there.
I don’t want her to feel like her skin and bones
Decide her worth or that people get to judge
If she’s beautiful or not, like it even fucking matters.
You, you are not beautiful or pretty or cute.
NEVER just beautiful or pretty or cute.
And when you grow up
Do not ever let them call you a bombshell
You are not an empty vessel you are
A bomb about to blow up in their faces
Do not let them convince you that you are
Defined by the space you do not occupy,
That your worth is based on the air you don’t breathe,
Afraid to hold oxygen in your lungs and
Afraid to breathe out afterwards.
Hide air in your lungs so that you may speak
Unexpectedly. Use it as your weapon to
Take their breath away and disarm them.
Stand tall and use your arms
To show how big your dreams are
And do not let anyone belittle them.
And when you grow up
Do not ever let them call you anything
Without your permission you may not
Forever be innocent but that does not make you
Guilty of being a woman
And we’ll want to call it envy, because to call it regret would break our hearts.Call Me By Your Name (André Aciman)
21/02/2014 - I love big cities